


Lams Ft. Transphobic Alexander

by Hamiltalian



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M, mild thaurens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 01:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16440125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamiltalian/pseuds/Hamiltalian
Summary: TW: Suicidal thoughts





	Lams Ft. Transphobic Alexander

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Suicidal thoughts

Alexander tutted as John sent him the far too familiar text.

[Hey, sorry, can’t make it to our date. Something came up. I promise I’ll make it up next time I see you

He couldn’t complain too much, John did always make up for it. Most guys would be excited to miss a date and get oral sex in return, but… John was always canceling dates, even after a whole two years of dating. Alexander really liked him and he hated having to miss dates. And, well, he was ready to go to the next step. But John wasn’t. He changed the subject every time Alexander brought it up.

He rolled his eyes and sent a response. [Alright. I’ll see you then.] He tried to be patient, but come on. John missed at least one day every month, sometimes two.

And John hated having to miss out on so many dates, but how could he enjoy time with Alexander when he felt like there was a train ramming into his abdomen? And he didn’t want him to know just yet… So, he stayed home in bed, suffering through the monthly pains.

Luckily, this was a normal week for him, so he was able to go on his date with Alexander as planned, a simple movie date and dinner at Alexander’s house. And another movie that usually went forgotten after that to make up for missing their last date.

John shifted into Alexander’s lap as usual and began kissing him. It felt just like any other date would, with the same heat and passion in their kissing. The difference was that, this time, Alexander stopped John before he could continue kissing down his body.

“Look, John… I really appreciate what you do for me every time, but… We’ve been dating for two years and all we’ve done is this.. I haven’t even had the chance to return the favor, at the very least. Don’t you think it’s time we take things a bit further?..”

“Alex, I’ve told you, I’m  not ready for this.. It really isn’t you, it’s-”

Alexander sighed. “Yeah, I know. The problem is you. Trust me, I’ve been knowing that for a few months now. Look, I really like you, John, I really do, but if we cant’ even move farther than this and if you cancel our dates at least once every month, maybe you’re not ready to take things further. And I’m not going to just wait around for another two years for you to be ready if you don’t tell me what’s going on. So, either you can tell me what the problem is or you can get out of my house.”

John frowned and moved off of Alexander. This was not how he wanted this to be…  But it seemed like he had no choice. “Alright..” He took a deep breath. “The reason I’m always missing dates and why I don’t want to take things further with you is… Well… I’m trans.. I’m still female. I miss dates with you because I get really bad cramps for my entire cycle and I don’t want to take things further because I don’t… I don’t look like you’d expect down there.” Sure he’d gotten top surgery a few years ago, but he hadn’t saved up enough for bottom surgery and, well, he wasn’t sure if he wanted it. He knew it was strange for a trans guy, but the idea of having his own children wasn’t something that he absolutely hated.

Alexander raised an eyebrow. “I’m bi. Did you really think it’d be that much of a problem?”

“I just.. Every guy that I’ve dated has dumped me over this. I was just nervous..”

“Well, those guys were probably gay. I don’t mind that you’re a girl.”

John winced at that. “I’m not a girl… I have the body, sure, but I’m a guy.”

“Are you getting surgery for it?”

“I mean.. I already got top surgery, but I don’t really want to get-”

“Then you’re not a boy. You don’t have the parts for it and you don’t want to.”

He frowned and moved away a bit. “If you’re just trying to make me feel bad for missing all of those dates, you don’t have to. I already feel bad for missing them. All you’re doing is making me feel worse about them.. And about you..”

Alexander sighed. “You’re a girl. You’re just confused. And if that’s the only excuse you have for everything, it’s not good enough. You know, painkillers do exist. And birth control. If you were actually a boy, you’d take testosterone, wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t that stop your periods, if they’re so awful?”

“You’re being a real jerk about this. I try to make up for missing dates and I tell you my biggest secret and this is how you’re responding? Jefferson was right, I should’ve left you when I had the chance.” He got up and began walking off.

“Hey, you’re overreacting. I said you don’t have to lie to yourself around me. I get it, you’re a tomboy and you don’t want to be a victim of sexism and all that crap. You can be a girl around me, I won’t mind.”

John walked outside, slamming the door behind him. He began walking as far as he could, even as Alexander went to the door and tried to call him back, then called his friend Thomas once he was far enough.

“What’s up, John? I thought you were out with Alexander.”

“I was… But I came out to him and he keeps calling me a girl.. I don’t know if he’s trying to guilt trip me for missing dates or if he really means it, but I couldn’t take it and I left.. Can you please come pick me up? I don’t feel good..”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Where are you?”

“I just.. I left his house and I kept walking.. I’m on the same street.”

“I’ll be there in a bit.”

John hung up and waited for Thomas, watching cars pass. About ten minutes later, a bus began driving down the street. John looked down both ends of the street. No stops. No reason for it to slow down. He sighed and stepped into the street… Then took a step right back onto the curb. No. He wasn’t going to let this ruin him. Someday the right guy was going to come for him, someone who saw him as a guy and who let him be as he was, not caring what he had between his legs. He just had to wait… Right?

“There you are! Come on, I’ll get you home..” Thomas jumped out of his car and went around, opening the door for John and leading him in.

John smiled. Maybe someday was closer than it seemed. Who needed Alexander, anyways?

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone interested in commissioning me for one shots can email me at slashgashotaku@gmail.com for details.


End file.
